Ten-Year-Old’s Poem Is an Exciting Model
Here is a model to help a student write a poem that can be literature. Who is the poet? Ten-year-old Annabelle Moseley, a fifth grader at Signal Hill Elementary School (Half Hollow Hills School District ) in Dix Hills.
The Colors of Long Island
If Long Island were a picture, how would I paint it?
I know the colors I would use.
Bright colors, that make the golden sunsets at Huntington Harbor.
Glistening white, for the foam of the great ocean at Fire Island
And the deep, white snow that makes winter
Cozy when I sit by the fireside after sledding at Bald Hill.
Red, for the quaint farmhouses along the road to Orient Point.
Purple, for the lush vineyards at Cutchogue.
Beige, for the sand that tickles my toes as I frolic at Montauk.
Forest green, for the bountiful Pine Barrens of Brookhaven,
Where we save its beauty for future generations.
Emerald green, for the trees at Sagamore Hill, that whisper
And tell me secrets of the history there.
Turquoise, for the water at Sunken Meadow,
One of my favorite places on the island.
The colors of Wedgwood blue, mustard gold, and barn red
Cover historic houses and shops at Cold Spring Harbor.
I would use grey for the water at night on Jones Beach.
I would paint a silver moon shining its beams on the waves
Like crystals, dancing to the music from some show there,
Echoing in the air.
I would use golds and greens for the colors of Harvest.
Harvest is a busy time, on the farms in Riverhead.
Pastels of pink and lavender warm the gardens at Greenvale.
My brush would dabble rich browns and slate grey
For the horses on the fields of Dix Hills.
But sadly, there is no canvas big enough to portray the variety
And all the wonders of Long Island.
I was born here, I live here still, and I plan to stay here,
Enjoying a colorful life on Long Island
And doing all I can to brighten the painting…
Annabelle Moseley, age 10
Observe how Annabelle constructs the poem. There is a pattern in the structure of this ten-year-old’s poem. She sets the theme in the lead line. The theme is painting a picture about Long Island. The Lead is a question. If Long Island were a picture, how would I paint it? She answers in the second line, I know the colors I would use. Lines 3-5, being about the glistening white of ocean foam and snow functions as an introduction to the many colors in the rest of the Build-up. The Build-up, being a catalog of colors about Long Island, carries the theme to the Soft-shoe Tap ending:
Enjoying a colorful life on Long Island
And doing all I can to brighten the painting…
Is this ten-year-old girl aware of any of this? Is she aware of putting her language into a logical structure? Is she aware of using poetic techniques? Her poem is an exemplary model for using the technique of repetition. You can make a lesson about repetition using her poem.
Starting with line 7, she begins a section in which each of three lines starts with the name of a color: Red, Purple, Beige. However, the fourth line starts with an adjective for the color -- Forest green. So also the next line: Emerald green. Information about the subject is tacked on each line. The next line she is back starting the line with only the noun, Turquoise.
The next section begins generically with The colors. She gives us a list of three colors in that line: Wedgwood blue, mustard gold, and barn red. Now she writes another kind of repetition line, a pronoun (subject)-verb-direct object line—three of them (I would use grey, etc.). Each is followed by more information about the action of the subject and verb.
I would use grey for the water at night on Jones Beach.
I would paint a silver moon shining its beams on the waves
Like crystals, dancing to the music from some show there,
Echoing in the air.
I would use golds and greens for the colors of Harvest.
Isn’t it remarkable-- all the analysis that can go into a child’s poem. It is a phenomena, but happens continuously in all the young poets’ poems that I look at closely. After a few moments patterns in their poems rise to my eyes. I feel that I am looking at a poem that could have been written by a professional. (Please see website entry under Poetry Contest, “Children’s Poems Can Be Studied for Techniques”).
So, how aware was Annabelle? I asked Ms. Moseley about how much she was aware at age ten of using poetical techniques. Her answer suggests that a child can bet be somewhat aware. This could be the result of a teacher’s instruction and encouragement.
Oh, yes. Ms. Moseley wrote this poem in 1990 and it won first prize in the Walt Whitman Birthplace Association’s annual spring poetry writing contest for students. I was directing the contest that year and in that capacity I was one of the three judges choosing her. Ms. Moseley says that her now good friend, Prof. Patti Tana of Nassau Community College, was also a judge that year.
Today, Annabelle Moseley is a prominent Long Island writer – three collections of poetry: "The Moon Is A Lemon, Artifacts of Sound and Still Life. Now a novel , The Delaney: Journey To Banba, reminiscent of The Lord of the Rings, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and The Secret Garden. (Please see website entry “Annabelle Moseley Dresses Her Poetry Well” under Paumanok: America’s Isle of Poetry in Books and Chapbooks).
QUESTION: How aware were you of crafting, of knowing you were creating a pattern. Or did you have any awareness of this crafting at all?
ANSWER: Regarding my poem, "The Colors of Long Island," yes, on one level I was aware that I was creating a pattern. Now, I'm sure because when I was very young I knew that there was plenty of which I was unaware. But I do distinctly remember trying for a catalog poem, though, of course, I had never heard the expression "catalog poem," and I had not been taught about the style. What I had done was I started reading Walt Whitman's poetry and I was absolutely hooked. I recognized that the contest I was entering was in Whitman's honor and I remember wanting to write a poem about which Whitman might have been proud. I noticed that Whitman often seemed to like to list things in his poems, naming all the sorts or varieties of any given subject. (that was how I thought of it)...but I remember thinking he did so in a way far more compelling than one would list things to do in a day or how one might jot down groceries to be purchased. I recognized the difference and my ear was enchanted by his voice...the way his listing or cataloguing became a litany of praise. I wanted to describe the variegated beauties of Long Island and thought colors might be a good way to connect them all to each other, yet show their differences. It looked and felt like something Whitman might have done. I remember thinking the colors written out on the page evoked images of the colors themselves, and I remember thinking that it might be a way for me to paint with words: "doing all I can to brighten the painting." I'm sure there must be other patterns about which I was absolutely unaware. But I had read quite a lot of Whitman at that point and consciously wanted to "make him proud"- yes, quite as though he himself would be reading the poem! and thought that the listing of colors seemed like something in his style. Without being able to describe it this way, I was employing a technique I had admired in Whitman's poetry. What I did know at the time was what I remember telling my father: that was what I wanted to grow up to be "a poet...like Walt Whitman."
Ms. Moseley has grown up to become one of the Long Island Poetry Community’s distinguished writers. (Please see website entry, “Annabelle Moseley Discusses Her Childhood Poetry Writing” under Poetry Contest. and (Please see website entry “Annabelle Moseley Dresses Her Poetry Well” under Paumanok: America’s Isle of Poetry, in Books and Chapbooks).